No Such Word

NSW = No Such Word
by Jay Speyerer

Words are used every day that are found in no standard dictionary. These are the NSWs, or no such words. While the use of these “words” might be fun and creative, there will often be a problem with how they’re perceived by your readers. As noted, some of these examples can be used as substandard dialogue, but never in serious narrative. Other NSWs no doubt exist, but the following list comprises the ones that are most noticeable to these editorial eyes and picky sensibilities.


Acrosst. No, the word is across. Some of us are afraid to end a word with a hiss. We have to chop it off. I hear the word spoken often enough that I include it, but fortunately have never seen it in print unless it’s used in fiction as deliberately substandard dialogue.
Alot. There exists allot, meaning to apportion or dole out; and a lot, an imprecise way to say a whole bunch. But there exists no such word as alot.
Alright. It’s in the dictionary, but it’s considered substandard, so it makes my list. Stick with the two-word phrase, all right?
Ascared. I’m afraid not. The word is scared.
Boughten. Nope, it’s buy, bought, bought. You might be comparing it phonetically to get, got, gotten.
Congradulations. Is this how you say “best wishes” to a graduate? The word is congratulations. Incorrect pronunciation leads to incorrect spelling.
Conversate. You can converse or you can have a conversation. Think of another similar word: Perspiration doesn’t mean you perspirate.
Definately. More a spelling problem than a speaking one, but the correct spelling is definitely not that.
Flustrated. This nonword should perhaps be an actual one, signifying the state of being flustered and frustrated simultaneously. But it isn’t yet.
Heighth. Lose the final h. The word is height. The error is understandable – if not forgivable – because we have such measurement words as width, breadth, and depth, not to mention eighth.
Hisself. Sounds logical, but remember this is English. The word is himself.
Irregardless. This is a nonword that would disappear if its abusers would take a second to consider its supposed meaning. Ir- is a negating prefix, -less a negating suffix. You don’t need both. You might be thinking either of irrespective or regardless.
Mischevious. It’s not mis-CHEE-vee-us, it’s MISS-che-vus, as in mischievous.
Per say. This is an example of phonetic guessing, based perhaps on not having seen the term in writing. Per se is correct and means “by nature” or “in and of itself.”
Pronounciation. I passed a classroom one day and heard a teacher tell her class of future job seekers that, during an interview, correct pronounciation is very important. Wonder how she got her job. Pronunciation is the correct word.
Snuck. The past parochial constrictive of “snack”, as in “I didn’t want to snack before dinner, but since I had already snuck before lunch, I figured what the hell.” Seriously, even though you hear snuck often, the verb forms are sneak, sneaked, sneaked.
Theirselves. Use themselves. Refer to hisself.
Unthaw. Think about it: when you unfreeze a pound of hamburger, you thaw it. So if it unthaws, does it re-freeze? Not only is it ungrammatical, it’s unsafe food handling.
Whala or Viola. It’s voila in French. Pronounced “vwah-LA,” it means, hey, looky there.

I present this list not to vent (though there is satisfaction in that), but to help. Inadvertent use of these NSWs lowers your worth and perceived knowledge in the opinion of your listeners and readers. Whether you’re in the business or personal world, I want you to sound smart.